A Disturbly Weird Soap
by aqua-child1
Summary: Lots of OOCness.....and Randomness.....and weirdness
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Megami Kouhosei

Rio: Phil I love you!

Phil: Um…..Rio, why are you standing on the edge of this extremely tall building?

Rio: Because if you don't love me I'll commit suicide.

Phil: O.O

Rio: Do you love me?

Phil: I'm sorry Rio, I can't love you, I'm in love…… with

Rio: WHO?!

Phil: I'm in love with Yu Hikura!

Dramatic music plays 

Rio: T.T 

Phil: Rio, I'm sorry!

Rio: Goodbye world!

Phil: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait!

Rio: *stops* yes?

Phil: I LOVE YOU!

Rio: Really?

Phil: Uh…yes 

Rio: YAY! Someone loves me! *sniffs the air* I smell chicken! *follows the scent and accidentally trips over a cable cord and falls off the building*

Phil: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! *reaches out to grab Rio, but is too late*

Meanwhile……..

Erts is walking around this huge building while holding a roasted chicken.

Erts: Hey kitty, kitty, Mr. Snuggums? Where are you?

Rio: *falling* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmm……….I smell chicken…*lands on Erts*

Erts: x_x

Rio: x_x

Phil: *looks down* Oh no! *runs down*

Tune walks by

Tune: *gasp* Erts! *rushes over to Erts*

Erts: *dying voice* Tune…………Before I die………….I have two requests……..

Tune: *gasp* What is it?

Erts: Find Mr. Snuggums, and take good care of him, his favorite food is chicken, don't try to feed him fish because he goes nuts. 

Tune: *starts crying* okay

Erts: And another thing……..

Tune: Anything

Erts: Get Rio off of me.

Tune: *stops crying* okay *pulls Rio off of Erts*

Phil finds Tune, a dying Erts, and an unconscious Rio.

Phil: Oh my gosh! We've got to get them to the nearest hospital!

Erts: Goodbye world! *rolls over and dies*

Tune: *hyper venerating* I can't take this anymore, Phil can you get a refill on my asthma pump?

Phil: Um…….sure

Tune: Thanks! *faints*

~Meanwhile~

Leena: Garu, I don't understand, why are you breaking up with me?

Gareas: Because……….I don't love you anymore!

Leena: But, I still love you!

Gareas: I know it's tough Leena, but you have to get over me! I mean sure, I'm such a hot and sexy guy, but you'll get over it, eventually.

Leena: *sweat drop* I still don't understand……

Gareas: I know it's a bit confusing.

Leena: But why?!

Gareas: I'm in love with someone else!

Leena: Who is it?

Gareas: It's, it's Teela!

Dramatic music plays

Leena: Teela?!

Gareas: Yes! Teela…..I'm going to go confess to her later.

Leena: I don't wanna live anymore! *runs away*

Gareas: *sweat drop*

~Meanwhile~ At the hospital

Phil is standing outside the emergency room.

Phil: *pacing around* I hope Tune and Rio are okay.

Dr. Rill comes out.

Phil: Doctor! How bad is it?!

Rill: Do you really want to know, can you handle it?

Phil: Oh no! It's something bad isn't it?!

Rill: Yes, I'm afraid so.

Phil: I think I can handle it.

Rill: You sure?

Phil: No! Don't tell me!

Rill: Okay I won't tell you then.

Phil: Wait I wanna know!

Rill: Are you sure?

Phil: No! I'm not sure.

Rill: Well then I'll be going then.

Phil: Wait! I wanna know!

Rill: Are you sure?

Phil: No! Yes! Wait no! Actually I'm quite curious.

Rill: *getting annoyed* I'm just going to tell you then!

Phil: Wait! I'm not ready for the truth!

Rill: *is extremely mad and annoyed* MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!

Phil: No I don't want to know!

Rill: Okay then *starts walking away*

Phil: Wait I wanna know!

Rill: GRRRR…………….*punches Phil*

Phil: x_X ow *falls over*

Yukine and Mitche rushes out and carries Phil away in a stretcher.

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Leena: How dare she?! I can't believe Teela just stole _my_ man! I mean there is absolutely no chemistry between the two of them! I must plot Teela's demise! *laughs evilly* Mwahahahahahaaaahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa.

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At a some French restaurant.

Garu: I love you Teela!

Teela: Umm…………Garu, I don't know what to say…..

Garu: I know what you can say! You can say you love me too!

Teela: I'm sorry, I gotta go somewhere now! Bye!

Garu: I'll follow you to the ends of the world Teela!

Teela: Um…… yeah whatever *leaves*

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Scene changes to a lovely park with pretty flowers and squirrels.

Yu: Kazuhi……I have something to tell you

Kazuhi: What is it my brother?

Yu: I'm not your real brother…..

Dramatic music plays

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Narrator: How will Kazuhi react to this brutal truth? And what exactly is Leena planning to do to Teela? Will Tune, Rio, and Phil ever get out of the hospital? Who is going to take care of Mr. Snuggums now that Tune is unconscious? And when will Erts funeral be?

Find out on the next episode of Disturbingly weird Soap.

To Be Continue

Well? How was it? Reviews, flames? 

*sighs* I just can't seem to write anything serious, it's just so hard! My last attempt was a total failure if you have read Locked Away, which I deleted. 

Please Review……


	2. more randomness

Disclaimer: I don't own Megami Kouhosei so please don't sue me!

Last time on Disturbingly Weird Soap…….

Yu: Kazuhi, I'm not your real brother

Dramatic Music plays in the background

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Garu: I'm in love with Teela 

More dramatic music

Leena: I don't wanna live anymore!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rio: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmmmm…… I smell chicken!

Erts: I have two requests

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kazuhi: *stares at Yu*

Yu:…………

Kazuhi: *continues staring at Yu*

Yu:………..

Kazuhi: *shocked and still staring at Yu*

Yu: *getting uncomfortable*

Kazuhi: *shocked and confuse and still staring at Yu*

Yu: Please say something

Kazuhi: I can't believe you're not my real brother…

Yu: I can ex- *cell phone rings* excuse me for a moment

Rill on cell phone: Mr. Yu Hikura, I have terrible news

Yu: What is it?

Rill: Your friends are in the hospital

Yu:……………..

Rill: don't you even care?

Yu:………….no

Rill: Well can you at least come down to the hospital?

Yu: Fine, fine……….*click turns off cell phone*

Kazuhi: What is it my brother? Wait you're not my brother

Yu: We have to go to the hospital, our "friends" are in there

Kazuhi: What "friends"?

Yu: You know the idiot that talks and eat a lot, the one with white, greenish, grayish hair, and the one that has an extremely small pony tail and a really big yellow bow.

Kazuhi: Those are our friends?

Yu: Yeah I guess..

Kazuhi: Gosh……We must be really pathetic to have such friends like them..

Yu: *shrugs*

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At the park again….

Teela: Garu, why are you following me?

Garu: I'm not following you…….

Teela: Yes you are…….

Garu: *pissed off* No I'm not!

Teela: What is your problem?

Garu: I love you?

Teela: ………………

Garu: Really I do….

Teela: I can't love you Garu!

Garu: Why not?!

Teela: Well first of all, you're mean, cruel, and you killed your own best friend……

Garu: I did not kill him….

Teela: Yes you did….

Garu: No I didn't…

Teela: Then what do you call running into a middle of a heavy traffic while he pushes you out of the way and gets hit by a drunk trucker who was driving a truck full of bread…….

Garu: Suicide?

Teela:……..You're impossible…

Garu: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ERNEST *breaks down and sobs* THE GUILT IS EATING ME UP ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teela: What were you doing in the middle of traffic anyways?

Garu: I was trying to stop this evil demon car from hitting this little kid….

Teela: That's not quite how I remember it….

Garu: What do you know? You weren't even there…….

Teela: Yes I was…….

Garu: Oh really?

Teela: I was the dark mysterious shadow hiding in the alley and watching your every move……

Garu: Now that's just creepy

Teela: Anyways you ran out to the heavy traffic because you saw something shiny from across..

Garu: Oh yeah! That was the brand new Ultimate, Super, Laser beam, heavy duty, yet light weight, ultra, mega, destroyer 150000000000

Teela: *sweat drop*

Garu: What? I had to get it!

Teela: And you just rushed out to the heavy traffic risking your life while killing Ernest all because of that gun?

Garu: Pretty much

Teela: And you think I'm cold…

Garu: Hey what's that suppose to mean?!

Teela: -_-; never mind

Garu: TELL ME!!!

Teela: no…It's too difficult to explain to dumb ass like you….

Garu: Grrrr……does that mean you don't love me?

Teela: When did I say I love you?

Garu: Just now

Teela: WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU?!

Garu: Because you love me?

Teela: GRRRRRRR…………… I hate my life!

Garu: Does that mean you love me?

Teela: *glares at him*

Garu: *glares back*

Teela: *glares harder*

Garu: I just love it when you do that!

Teela: -_- 

Garu: *smirks*

Teela: I can't eve- *cell phone rings* excuse me for one moment..

Rill: Hello? Miss Teela Zain Elmes?

Teela: Yes?

Rill: Your friends are in the hospital….

Teela: ………..

Rill: So….Can you come down here to fill out some paperwork?

Teela: Why?

Rill: Because they're your friends……

Teela: Since when?

Rill: *pissed off * JUST GET OVER HERE!

Teela: Okay! Shesh… You don't have to get all mad about it! *hangs up*

Garu: What was that all about?

Teela: We've gotta go see our "friends", they're in the hospital.

Garu: What "friends"?

Teela: You know, the idiot that's always hitting on girls, but gets rejected, the one that secretly loves Ernest, and the one with enormous bow in her hair…

Garu: Oh them……

Teela: We must be losers since we're friends with them..

Garu: Yeah…….

After 5 minutes of silence

Teela: Let's go

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Meanwhile…..In Leena's lai erm…uh…..dark dungeon like basement

Leena: *mixing poison* Okay *reads the instruction* After adding ordinary household cleaning items to the mystery green liquid it should turn clear, stir well.

Leena: *keeps on stirring* Yes! It's working all I need to do is get Teela to drink this, some how……*liquid turns clear* MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

Phone rings

Leena: *picks up phone* Hello?

Rill: Miss Leena Fujimura?

Leena: Yes?

Rill: Your friends are in the hospital….

Leena: Oh no! I'll get there immediately! *clicks* Hmmmmmmmmmm……..Teela and Garu should be there……..Perfect I'll just take this poison and slip it into Teela's food or drink. MWAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one can stop me now!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile at the hospital……

Garu: So what are we doing here again?

Teela: Our "friends" need us….*filling out paperwork*

Garu: Well I'm going to go bother Rio…..

Teela: Kay *still filling out paperwork*

Garu: Aren't you going to miss me?

Teela: Why would I? *fills out more paperwork without looking up*

Garu: Because you love me?

Teela: Garu! For the last time I don't love you!

Garu: *shocked* You don't love me????!

Teela: *finish first stack of paperwork* No

Garu: I don't wanna live anymore!!!!!! *runs off*

Kazuhi: *gets knocked down by Garu who is still screaming "I don't wanna live anymore!!!!!!!!*

Yu: *helps Kazuhi up*

Kazuhi: I wonder what happened to him?

Yu: *shrugs* Who knows, they're all weird..

Kazuhi: Let's go sit with Teela…

Yu: Why?

Kazuhi: Because I think she's one of our "friends"

Yu: Oh…*sits next to Teela*

Kazuhi: *grabs a seat next to Yu*

10 minutes of silence….

Kazuhi: Sooooo my fake brother…..How come you're not my real brother?

Yu: Well it all started out like this……

*flashback* 

Yu narrating flashback

Yu: Your brother and I were best friends….ever since we were little, and that was when it happened…….

Scene: A beautiful meadow surrounded by green grass and pretty flowers with butterflies.

Yu: You, me, and your brother were playing around and then I was overcome with this urge to kill your brother…….

Kazuhi: why?

Yu: Because he….he…..he…….

Kazuhi: what?

Yu: He stole the last of the cupcakes…..

Kazuhi: *sweat drop* What's the big deal about the cupcake?

Yu: First of all, when you're that age it is a _big deal_! And second he wouldn't share! It was against our ways not to share!

Kazuhi: so what happens next?

Yu: I pushed him off the nearest cliff……

Scene: Yu pushes off this fat boy who was eating cupcakes off the cliff….

Kazuhi: WHAT?!

Yu: You were so scared that you ran into a rock and lost your memory…..

Kazuhi: I'm confused……

Yu: You should be you lost your memory….

Kazuhi: Then how come I never have dreams or flashback of those moments?

Yu: Because the tea I make for you has these special stuff that keeps you from remembering stuff like that…

Kazuhi: Oh that explains a lot…..

Yu: Well anyways, your parents would've found out sooner or later of what happened to their son, so I decided to be your brother and I pushed them off the cliff too….

Scene: Yu pushes fat boy's parents off cliff too

End of flashback

Kazuhi: How could you do such a thing?!

Yu: Well would you rather have a fat, disgraceful, stupid boy as your brother or an honorable, handsome, strong, and intelligent _man _as your brother?

Kazuhi: Well….You got a point there…..

Yu: So do you hate me?

Kazuhi: I don't hate you, _you_.

Yu: Oh that's a relief….

Kazuhi: But I do hate you for killing my parents and my fat brother!

Hateful and tragic music plays in the background…..

Suddenly Leena arrives with a cup of steaming poisoned coffee….

Leena: Teela! You've been working so hard, filling out all these paperwork! How about a nice cup of coffee? *smiles warmly to hide the evil smile*

Narrator: *techno dramatic music( I love techno ^.^) Will Teela fall for this Leena's diabolical plan? What's going to happen between Kazuhi and Yu now that Kazuhi knows the truth??? And where'd Garu go to? Will Rio, Tune, and Leena be okay, and what's going to happen to Mr. Snuggums, now that Erts is gone? Find out on the next weird, interesting, OOCness, Disturbingly Weird Soap!

Longer chapter this time…I really didn't want to make Leena evil, because Leena's one of my favorite characters, but I needed someone to be evil and she was the only one left….

Any reviews? Flames? 


	3. the ending

Hello all! ^_^ This is the final chapter of Disturbingly Weird Soap, I have to admit this was the most pointless fic I have ever written, but I gotta finish it. Soooo……..Enjoy!

Leena: *smiles* Teela, would you like some coffee?

Teela: *looks up* Um……No thanks.

Leena: *smiles* Why not?

Teela: Because I have a strange feeling that you poisoned it…

Leena: Oh why would I ever do that?

Teela: Because Garu loves me?

Leena: *fuming mad* ONE DAY I'LL GET YOU!!!!!! *runs off*

Teela: *shrugs*

Kazuhi and Yu: *confused*

Yu: So…

Kazuhi: ……………….

Yu: Please say something…

Kazuhi:…………..

Yu: *sighs*

Kazuhi: Why didn't you ever tell me?

Yu: I told you now, isn't that what counts?

Kazuhi: I'm going for a walk….

Yu: Okay

Kazuhi: *walks away*

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In the hospital room……

Phil: *wakes up*

Nurse: It's about time you woke up..

Phil: What happened?

Nurse: You made Dr. Rill extremely mad so she knocked you out.

Phil: Oh….How are the others?

Nurse: Well, Miss Youg is recovering from her asthma attack, and Mr. Vilgyna woke up about an hour ago.

Phil: So where is he now?

Rio: *enters* Hi Phil! 

Nurse: I'll leave you two alone.

Rio: *pats Phil on the head* I was worried, and I stayed by your side holding your hand for about 5 minutes then I got hungry and went to the cafeteria.

Phil: -_-; That's nice..

Rio: I was thinking about what you said to me before I fell…

Phil: uh huh..

Rio: Just to let you know I love you too…….

Phil: Oh no…

Rio: So anyways, I want to get married around June, then we can live in an apartment and have 9 children, I even thought of names for them!

Phil: Rio, um…

Rio: Itchy, Missy, Fuzzy, Spiky, Bob, Icky, 

Phil: Rio, I um….

Rio: Penny, Dizzy, and Cookie…

Phil: …………….

Rio: What do you think, Phil?

Phil: Rio, I only said I love you because I didn't want you to jump off……..

Rio: *shocked*

Phil: I'm so sorry…..

Rio: NOBODY LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs off*

Phil: -_-;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Kazuhi's walk……

Kazuhi: *walking* 

10 minutes of walking

Kazuhi: *finds a kitty cat* Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww……………Is the poor kitty lost? *picks up kitty* Hmmmmmmm……………Looks like you lost your owner, um….

*looks at name tag* Mr. Snuggums?

Mr. Snuggums: meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow 

Translation- My owner got hit by this idiot that thinks he could fly…

Kazuhi: Hmmmmmmm……. I think I'll take you home with me…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the hospital…..

Teela: *watching the news on her portable TV* 

TV person: Oh my god!!!!!! I just receive the most terrible news! There's a meteoroid and it's about to hit Zion! It's suppose to destroy the planet and wipe out humanity!

Teela: *sweat drop* This day just keeps on getting more unusual…..

Garu: *runs in* Oh my god!!!!!!!! Did you just hear the news?!

Teela: Yes, Garu, there's a meteoroid that's going to hit Zion.

Garu: Then what should we do?!

Rio: *comes out of nowhere* There's only one thing we can do! 

Kazuhi: *comes back from walk* What's going on?

Yu: There's a meteoroid and it's going to hit Zion.

Kazuhi: O.O

Garu: What are we going to do then, Rio? 

Rio: Hide and cower until the meteoroid finally hits!

Garu: -_-;

Teela: -_-;

Rio: Or we can sing Broadway style! *microphone magically appears in Rio's hand*

Kazuhi: O.O;

Teela: O.O;

Garu: O.o;

Yu: Save us all!

Rio: *sings off key* We're all gunna die!! *does this strange dance* Join me Garu!

Garu: O.o; 

Rio: *sings some more* That's okay anyways because, we're all going to die, it's okay to me because Garu was going to kill me when he finds out that I stole his gun and replaced it with a water gun!!!!!!!!!

Garu: What did you say?!

Rio: uh oh *screams and runs*

Garu: Come back here!

Teela: We're all doomed………

Yu: We might as well join them since we're gonna die anyways.

Kazuhi: Oh what the hell….Let's sing!

Yu: *sings* I killed your parents and your fat brother!!!!!!!!

Kazuhi: *sings* I hate you for that!

Rio: *sings and runs* I can't believe I said that, how stupid was I!!!!!

Garu: *joins in the song* Very stupid indeed, I shall kill you, and crush you then use you to fertilize um…………….these seeds!

Kazuhi, Yu, Garu, Rio: We're all going to die, so we must ……uh……eat some pie!!!!!

Rio: PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where?

Garu: *chokes Rio* I'll make you pay 

Rio* breaks free* How about some other day! *runs away*

Teela: *horrified* 

All: C'mon Teela! Join us in our happy song!

Teela: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Teela: *wakes up* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs out of her room*

Garu: *walks out of his room* I'm thirsty, where's water when you need it?!

Teela: *runs into Garu*

Both fall on the floor…

Garu: GODDAMN IT FIRST!!!!!!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!

Teela: *looks around* Do you love me?

Garu: What kind of question is that? Of course I don't why the hell would I ever love you?!

Yu: *comes out to see what's happening* 

Teela: Oh, hi Yu…….

Yu: Hello First…

Teela: You called me First instead of Teela..

Garu: Of course he did, your nickname is First..

Teela: Yu? Tell me, is Kazuhi your real sister?

Yu: Yes…She is….

Kazuhi: *enters* What's going on?

Garu: First is freaking out..

Kazuhi: Is everything all right?

Teela: yeah I must've had a bad dream…..

Fin~

Well, that wasn't really funny, I wasn't in the mood to write, but I just wanted to finish this. Please review.


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